I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
