I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
