Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
