a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
