Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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