If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
