You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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