I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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