Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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