so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
