I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
