she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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