how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
mondays should just be called national damage control day
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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