He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
