He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
