That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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