Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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