I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
