Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
