you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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