sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
