I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
