The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
