Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
