Define "chronic" masturbator.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
