If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
