Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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