i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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