ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Houston, we have a squirter
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
