"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
