in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please come you make the beer taste better
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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