I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
