dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
