cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
