all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
