the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
