my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
