ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
