Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
