Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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