U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The air was thick with penises
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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