We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
