The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
