cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize