So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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