Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
