I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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