So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
