Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
