Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need water and some morals
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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