So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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