is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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