dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
